best email ever. chuck norris.
Steph Linardos
Dec 13, 2005
this was copied from and email forward from trunk fulla amps (myspace.) she called it the best email she ever got. i agree. read on. -steph
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
4. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Chuck Norris only &@$%.. horses are hung like Chuck Norris
17. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
18. To prove it isnt that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoke 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
19. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
21. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
22. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
23. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
24. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris,more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris,robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
25. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
26. Chuck Norris sued NBC for copyright infringement for their show "Law & Order." Chuck Norris' left leg was already named "Law" and his right leg "Order."
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
3. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
4. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Chuck Norris only &@$%.. horses are hung like Chuck Norris
17. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
18. To prove it isnt that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoke 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
19. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
20. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
21. Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
22. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
23. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
24. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris,more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris,robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
25. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
26. Chuck Norris sued NBC for copyright infringement for their show "Law & Order." Chuck Norris' left leg was already named "Law" and his right leg "Order."
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